Is It right to compare your child with his siblings? This is one of the biggest question that comes in the mind. Looking out for right answers then you must read on
In the present age where competition has spread its tentacles in every walk of life. It is crucial to teach our kids to be grounded. And comparing them at every step will just not help. They should be taught to better themselves with each day, not to be better than their counterparts.
- The words cruise out of our mouths inadvertently’’ look at him/her.
- she is so much better than you’’ or ‘’why can’t you be more like him/her?’’.
Why do we compare our children with others? As much as we want to refrain from it, we end up doing it. Is it an inevitable human trait or can we resist the impulse if we try?
Well, the comparison is counterproductive for anyone. But it is all the more debasing for children. Children are tender beings and they do not take too well to negative criticism. And if the criticism involves telling them that how others are better than they are in some way.
IS RIGHT TO COMPARE YOUR CHILD WITH HIS SIBLINGS?
Then it is all the more painful. This does not mean that we shouldn’t point out their mistakes and help them improve, but anything beyond this is overkill.
It is natural to want to know where our children stand amidst others, in this world of ranks and percentages and where everyone is bidding for that coveted seat in a top school or university.
But to constantly harangue them about how much better others are doing will do nothing. Here are some reasons why we should not compare our children with others:
It will cause self doubt
If we are told by someone that we are not good at something and that there are others out there who are excel at it, slowly and steadily self doubt will grow. Our children will be left wondering if they can ever be good enough. Our job as parents is to encourage them at every step they take, not remind them as to who else is ahead.
Jealousy will take root
If you keep comparing your child with a paragon of virtue, he or she may begin to suffer from pangs of extreme jealousy. It can be a neighborhood kid, a classmate, a cousin and so on. Jealousy is not a very healthy feeling to harbor and the poor child will be tormented by jealousy which could al too easily turn into hatred, and perhaps aggression.
It will breed negativity
When others are always being built up and the child is being torn down, he or she could become negative- why even try if you can never measure up, after all? Rather than embracing new tasks and challenges with a positive spirit, the child’s assumptions about himself and the outcomes of what he or she does will be negative. Negativity is not at all good for a person’s well being. We all want to raise children who are positive and who spread happiness around.
It will damage the parent-child relationship
If you tell your child time and again that the neighbor’s child is better than her, she will eventually start despising you. Children are emotionally vulnerable. They may not be able to see the bigger picture and that you are concerned with them. Instead they will feel that you are not on their side.
They will grow into jittery and nervous adults
Parents who compare their child with others at the drop of their hat will eventually make their kids nervous and jittery. The child may become excessively focused non pleasing the parents and will constantly feel that they are not meeting expectations. They will loose their natural confidence and autonomy.
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world and there is no such thing as ‘’ideal parent’’. But we are the first teachers of our children. We are the ones they look up to and we are the ones that they come to when they are feeling low. So it is our duty to strive to put our best foot forward, to let our kids grow each day in a positive environment. Let us tell them every day how special they are.
These are completely my views and have no link with any doctor or study. It is a general article written for a basic knowledge of the parents looking for options for raising them right.